I’m going to ask you to keep an open mind before I suggest this. I know how lonely and sad you are. The need for some level of physical intimacy is becoming undeniable. Just because you can’t get pussy, doesn’t mean you can’t get fucked. Before you ask any questions, just listen. Have you ever thought about trying cock? Don’t answer. Just sit with that for a second.
It’s not healthy to get to this point. The ache for intimacy is ruining your mental health. We need to find a solution and I think this is what’s best. Some men thrive on denial, but not you. you need something, someone. And it may take time to accept this compromise but you know you can’t keep living life the way you are now. Cock is the answer.